To the beloved;

They say the things that inspire you are usually significant to mind. I find myself smiling silently.
It's truly ironic how i used to push you away so much and now i'm asking for more. There's so many things i miss and i imagined if i was ever to say 'no' instead of 'yes' on the 21st of february 2009.
I find so much pride in being the person who makes you smile that warm smile, laugh that silly laugh and cry those tears of joy. I'm grateful to be given the best privillege of being sheltered by your arms. My sanctuary, my place of hope and comfort. And to be smothered by kisses that calms my insecurities. I am grateful; to be given such attention i know others don't get. And the most i find pride in is to be that girl by your side through thick and thin,through tears and laughter, to be that girl you want to depend certain things on and to be spoiled senseless by. Because i want you to.As i do.

Your voice is something i crave for each night to demolish all my fears before i sleep and warm my heart like the sun rays when i wake the next morning. There are so many things you are willing to sacrifice selflessly which i am well aware of and i love yo so much for that. I truly am a lucky girl to have you as mine and my own.

And i cannot wait for the smile to spread o your lips when i get to see you each day to tell you that in fron of your face.:)


Yours truly,
:D

its been awhile;

what has happened recently?

1. a teeny weeny small mini open hse which i am sad to say i couldnt invite all my friends.cause i was collaborating with omar the furball.
2. umm,last minute drop out frm kawat because dad tak bagi. good luck to the cadets tmrw on performing with guns. salute!
3. i miss alot of people...again. -kal,veron,iyzie,nelly,Arie,Abg zaim,Tj.
4. Sent Abang zaim back to the airport. miss him loads.:( till march abang!
5. Kakak Akmar's stomach is expanding and expanding more at 3 months + . Will probably pop out somewhere around March. i hope my niece/ nephew wont be a naughty brat like his father.;O bahaha.........(no seriously, though).
6. i'm getting trials results.....i dont like them.
7. school is not exactly functioning its purpose.but i am still required to come in the mean time.
8. months with Edi this 21st. such an achievement.He's good at multi tasking his responsibilities as a friend and boyfriend. Love you Sayang.<3
9. Nothing is impossible...

17 candles...... whoop de dhoo..

selamat hari raya maaf zahir & batin to any of you who are actually reading. I'm posting this from kajang, cousin's house.Amidst colourful clothes and assorted cookies, amidst families and friends colliding, i feel an emptiness in the darkest corners of my heart. A feeling i tried to push to the back of my head last night. 1st day of raya, and papa didnt celebrate with us... syukur alhamdulilah, i got to kiss his hands and beraya with him that morning though. but the sad part was, that he forgot my birthday. he did.and mom had to give him a hint.i feel like going out tonight.both my birthday and raya wasn't exactly how i imagined it would be...abruptly, i feel...alone.

something i missed;

was an event my brother and DSP did.(damn syok! productions)

it was their premier of their movie;

Retributions

yes,so i was surprised of the changes they made last minute. but

it was something to be proud of no doubt. they did their premier at e @ curve.

after the preview, we all went to eat/ shisha at alsafa.

hehe,thts when a quarter of my cousins. and my siblings saw edi.

it was awkward+funny.

but the conclusion was tht omar had a talk with me.

yes that,awkward 'come-here-and-sit-down-with-abang' talk,

the results?

i know i know...he still loves me.

its the brother syndrome.:D

done?

it feels so stressful for some reason but im not done just yet.this battle i have to go through is stretching till the end of the year and unfortunately fr me the worse is yet to come.crappity crap crap.theres no other way but forward now.

so yeah, prdggn to be postponed till school reopens.sudden change is not because of school's odd attitude of being fickel but to avoid parents chasing after them. With that,finishes my first ever spm trials. urgh...it wasnt a great ending mind you. my maths 1 was smooth sailing. with fan wind blowing frm on top, i did it was calm. But then i knew it was just tooo good to be true. damn frustrating. Why didn't jps do for both our maths papers? nooooo, du wanted to do their own complex, mind-grinding set of paper.and it had to be for paper 2. the one i've been trying to score.urgh.... BARGHHWDFHWIODHIOWHDIOWHDOIWH! frustrationnn!!! dei. =.=

haih,*exhales*, im in dire need of icecream tiptop and boyfriend.got nyet nyet from him fr awhile.but yeah well...:/ sayaang you ! :**

Stressism

headache; day by day.im wondering if its the toxicity in my body or if its exam.i have a feeling its both.i still feel im not tryi9ng hard enough.haih...i got maths and then pdggn then habis.cikgu nak jugak buat lagi satu set exam if not i dah cuti thursday.hmm.i doubg im going to get to shop this year fr raya but at least i got baju kurung's done.white cream baju kurung moden and pink baju kebaya.:D the white cream looks fancy but wtheck. tmrw i tak pg sekolah.thank god.wed maths.so wish me luck lovers. cant wait fr all of this to end.:))

Samaritan

its been awhile lovers, i know.its the exam..they're not giving me a chance to update.its hard to say what the outcome will be but what im sure is that sej confirm fail.;/ sooo,what happened recently? mmm..exam exam books and more books.fishsticks. besides that.though, i know the date is well known for a tragic one but just now,around 840 p.m i saw something quite the opposite. in fact, though it was ironic i was very much touched.i saw a shred of humanity.we were at shell,renting a few cds at ezy,and i saw a kitty lying,almost as if he looked like he got hit. poor thing. but then i saw the chinese man who parked there bought milk.and another person bought cat food to feed it.it brought a few crowds and i'm proud. even though i can't deny i see that there is racial tension nowadays and i feel it around me sometimes too, but i found myself, warm and good when i saw him do that.There is still goodness here.We shouldn't encourage whats happening right now even though 1 Malaysia sounds pretty ridiculous at this point.i just hope history does not repeat itself.im out.gonna go watch movie. today is relax day. oh, and i love edi.so much.i love you nanna,10 days more!:D

today

i had my buka with edi and his friends consisting of zarul bariga ary and russel. it was....nice.:p
...im having difficulties on doing proper studying this puasa.cant seem to focus.trying to change the timing to study also isnt working.having some problems.but it is being pushed aside.its none of my concern now.sleepy like no one busineess.....nak tido la.heh.loves.:/

Afternoon ride home by Abdul Hamid Zainal Azim

Fathers...mine just happens to be a mysterious one.at least to me. I find myself respecting,loving,and curious of him all at the same time sometimes. and today i found out something new about him.

My father questioned about my boyfriend. yes, finally they know about edi.after a while at least.:) a looooong while. and i got to know we are somehow connected. in business matters. and i had a talk.in the car.this time with Papa.it was really nice. i asked something i've been wanting to ask after such a long time. A question needed answering. And it occured to me.i learn the most important lessons; in a car, often with the people i love and respect the most.

I realised that we shouldn't envy others of their posessions and privilleges. Instead, cherish what you have in the palm of your hand. Because they can and usually is, the best thing in your life at that very moment. because they are there with you. If only we could realise it. Sincerity truly goes a long way.

(1 minute later)

Okay...so i did check it out. Yes, it took me that fast to go through. No, you don't want to know how many questions i skipped and yes i'm aware of the marks i'm about to lose.. Crap..haha, ia sudden vision of merdeka eve just popped in my head. When Edi said, "Don't crab with me" . HAHAHAH! Bongok la you byy! x) hehe,i miss him.Amidst all the playing and all the stupidity that we do together, the choking and punching and the quick hugging affection later after that, i still do love him as much as i did when i said i love you to him for the very first time.Even more now,perhaps. He's so annoying, i'm smiling right now. The others would probably think i'm retarded right now. Hoho, abit la.but kal still loves me for that.RIGHT BY?!:D geehe, Oh oh, and i got my present from Nunu najwa already. Auntie Jani gave me my fav perfume.and najwa got me a jeans vest! FINALLY i got one! yay!:D so thts pretty much it.Zikri is being a freaking annoying bomoh/ terrorist islam beside me.-.- so yeah gtg, serious now.LOVES! :D

Sejarah 2 ; 1010-1240

A rythmic tapping pattern,continuous and dull as the rain falls ever so quickly and splashes on to the ground like it was bound to be doomed. This tuesday morning was cool and chilly as my fingers start to numb. Oh great, they decided to increase the speed of the fan now. THANKS BRENDON. =.= Don't they love their classmate who just so happens to be seated under the fan?? Sigh, a mental not to self: Bring a jacket in case of bad weather. I struggled as i tried desperately to warm my hands and legs.If i'd known better, i wouldn't wear the pinnafore today. I know i know,i should be writing away during my sejarah 2 paper instead of writing here in a piece of test paper with doodles and oodles but i just can't help it.Reading seems to be something so easy for me but when it comes to sejarah , this ability i have becomes somewhat disfunctional.Brilliant, my hands are starting to have red spots as well. O, did i forget to mention my body is sensitive to cold? well, not normal cold. as in 'cold-that-my-nails-are-turning-purple' cold. I don't know why, but its like that. My body can be a tangy bit abnormal but i'm obliged to love it anyway. Which i do, of course.:D Hmm,to think about it, i've realised how much reading is so essential to one's life.Literally,seriously.It's an annoying fact that eats up at me everytime i'm at my study table.And it saddens me when the government does try to help.Its just us teenagers. But of course other reading materials like comics and magazines and trashy romance novels are an exception. Its just school books we can't stand.;p Dammit, the other smarter smarty pants's are scribbling away. Siti's got like up to 2 pages back and front. I got to check out the paper again. Till then lovers,