Memories in my eyes/last day of 2008

its getting closer to a year of groundation(:O) tht i promised myself.sucks yeah but i need to start focusing.hopefully mine stops till this sunday.last dose before i start school.In a nutshell,i find 2008 to be very empty.quite a number of dissapointments.and i had a really bad drama at the starting of the year.but im gonna let tht simmer away.what i planned early this year dint happen.but i guess it doesnt matter now tht im gonna be form 5 soon and sitting for my spm.lately,despite the fact that i've pushed and was pushed by the people i've been involved with,i still feel like crap.in more than one ways.and i thought it was gonna make things all better.easier.smoother...hmm...anyway.on monday.i went to kuala gandah.with abg luqman kak akmar lorraine kak nurul and abg reza.:) had bad service but it was pretty nice.the whole thing.saw,fed,touched,ride,got thrown down,bathed by those elephants.hahah! it was nice jugak la.will post picture later.everybody liked it in the end.:)) i dont feel like i went away much for this holidays.but its okay.after spm i'll have time.have fun today everybody and have a happy new year.much love.<3

The Irony

How can i lose something

when it was never mine to start with? ..

i feel soo cheated..

Just, thank god you're important in my life.

midnightmoth

i dont want to wait 'till i've lost you to realise how much you mean to me..

This Years Love

Is it that hard to get those nowadays?Or is this some sort of punishment for whatever i've done?

It's not like i find pleasure in being depressed for gods sakes.I just want to feel something that at least i would think is real.Not something artificial.Nowadays,my perspective about relationships have changed tremendously.I know i shouldn't judge.but i just can't help it sometimes...sigh; so down tonight..it sucks alot.oh..updates? since sunday baked cookies like no ones business.so tired and nt much sleep but out of all of tht got rm 100.so bole la kot.:)) other than that helped my bby wa with her prjct = painting her room. which btw i dnt think i did much help.:/ andd andd.went out to curve.saw mais,zhaf, Nazatul & & & bby ya! missed her ALOT! and watched movie with edi.saw zaine.went back home. TA DAA.whopp de dhoo.-.- im out,much love.

sigh.

sometimes i wonder if this is what i really want.
but then again,i wouldnt want to lose a chance to be with you.
and im trying to hold on to these reins.how long i wouldnt know.
it seems my 'trying' really isn't good enough.it never is.

and i've been waiting for someone to make me feel that feeling again.
that 'over-the-top-head-over-heals-im-crazy-over-you' type of love.
and im not getting it.

i just dont get it anymore..

so many stories,so little time

It honestly feels different.everything.all of it.like a wall is between us now.yeah,sure we talk.and i'll always love her.but i get the fact now.and i'll be sure to keep a distance next time.besides that awkward situation i feel that i must start to study now.and i wont be onlining anymore.for quite some time.i hope i'll still have contact with everybody though.Also, i pity him sometimes.i know i shouldnt be.but i guess it would suck to be in his position.but i cant force myself to do something.nor can i put an effort.that would make it artificial either way.and me.i think i can understand why this is happening.and i know what he wants to see out of this.i just hope it doesnt take so much time to sink in..because i just might sink out of it.knowing how i am.:/ oh,and work was awesome in the whole.it felt so good to spend my money.xD and i miss the guys and girls there.they rock.<3

LOVE LOVERS.

thank you.

this feeling is INDESCRIBABLE! no one would understand it because i couldn't really put a finger on it.i can't help but feel this way though.and it keeps eating on me like parasite.i need my girls asap....

Heee..

HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

xD

sooo..updates shall we?

looks like i'll be working at vads for a lil while more.till end of nov maybe.

oh,and i met kal and abang last thursday.BAHAHAHA! i swear,the most embarassing incident happened to me that night in a very,VERY long time.i dont wanna talk about it.xO

i've got bruises.shoulders been aching.and i didn't have the mood to go to work yesterday.

because i didn't get to send my babies + 1 (najwa and nana and fiq) to the airport because i came back late lst nite.crap jacks.

other than tht....well...not mine to tell. :/

later lovers;

Vesper

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGGGOOOODD!

I FINALLY WATCHED JAMES BOND AND IT WAS THE BOMBBB!! xDDD

haaaa,puas hati.hahahaha! he is so hot okay.:DD

aiyyayayayaya....;Q

soooo,anyway.todays the day.fly fm anni.im going.:D

oh and i got my 2nd pay already.

and and ....

actually theres alot of news in the office.but that one cannot say here.xD

loves people! :*

blood

Behind each smile and those popping dimples

Behind each joke and laughter

Behind those hugs and kisses

Something broke to pieces.

No,Its not because of another typical boy

Its deeper.Its so close its dissapointing.

maybe because i was hoping to much...

i'm sorry i did.

We'll go on by our own now.

Its not your fault.

But its frustrating enough.

Thank you for trying though.

Hide&Seek

Its not always opportunity knocks on your door,

Despite that fact, i choose to ignore those chances.

And even when i give advice,

I'm being a hypocrite myself.

Maybe i'm just helping others not to end up like me.

Yeah,My definition of trying may not be as much

But it feels so much better to be safe.

Nothing to worry,this feeling always blows off anyway.

And i'll be okay.

Goodnight.(:

WORK!

Geez...tau tak penat tu apa?
the definition! god...my last sunday was a REAL sunday.
For the first time in my life.tido practically the whole day la kan.O:
And today i missed the 2nd bus to reach the office.thank god for najwa and imran la kan.=.=

Oh,also; had a surprise party for kak my tersayang at Bora Asmara last saturday.:*
then went to watch a movie.Madagascar 2.

I WANT TO WATCH QUANTOM OF SOLACE BIG TIME.:D

so anyway..basically thats that.
And kak Azura wants me and najwa to go work at another kelly branch for temp.
Looks like our we're wanted.=p



PFFT



Loves lovers<3

work

work.
yeah,still the same.still boring.
except....najwa baby fara was there.:D
it was pretty okay..might consider working another week at kj for kakima's colleague.see first.:)

besides that,cant wait to hang with the lepak gang later.;))
gila excited! BAHAHA.:D
nak main cards.8)


oh,i miss kal and nev.:)
and im wondering hows my results and my baby YA's condition.:/





mwah mwah BIG TIME.:*******

I'll swim the ocean for you<3

*ooohh, Kelsey*.:D

sej = BAHHHH!

anyway,whats good news is dah CUTI! YEAAAY!
FRIGGIN YEAYYY! hahahaha!


AND AND AND,


got my first pay today.dates gonna be draught down in history.;))
but the moneys going out again.please do not ask why...:/
its okay,im working with kakak akmar again starting thurs anyway.
takpelah.=.=


AND AND,



I WANT TO GO RASTA!! my 2nd office.xD
bahaah! im going im going im going this week i dont care . LA LA LA LA LAAA! :DDD

oh and today pon ada cerita jugak.


'HAH'!

ee,omg omg omgg..hottie gila.O;
'translate that in english and you'll still find it doesn't make any sense'.



BAHAHAHAH! im going to hang tomorrow like a bunch of knuckleheads please and thank you!

much love,
Farawr<3

2nd Nov 2008

whoop de doo.
lookie lookie,Najwa's birthday!
my lil caramello all grown up.
anyway...came back from pd.it was mamas kindergarten concert! awesome teramat!
theres these bunch of tiny potential heartbreakers i met that night ;

Hakim
Firdaus
Danish
Naufal
Wildan

omg!! Q;

anyway,it was all dandy and fun and extremely tired.
got back this afternoon and keluar pg ou lepak dgn najwa.
byk gila org la kan.
and this ehem ehem saw me.
but i didn't realise la pulak kan
and then, tiba tiba *ka cheng* my telephone bunyi - ed.
tgk tgk msg frm ehem ehem. i mcm dup dap gila la kaan.haa
he got all emo.and even after i offered nak jumpa dia mcm nak merajuk pulak.hish.
pfft,sorry la kan! =.=

besides that, the other highlight of the day was that i had to do something to get nana's ring back which i wont qrite here!o; i thought i lost that engagement ring.GOD!
heh,tapi i syg sgt kat nana smpi i did that thing.pheww...
but its okay.:)


heh,thats all now.must study sej soon.esok exam! DIE DIE DIE!


<3

Metro station

Kelsey..
hee,i wish i could be someones Kelsey.
just in case if you haven't listen to this song yet like i probably did till yesterday; please check it out at my myspace profile.((:

anyway,legs getting a tingy bit better kot.pfft.


ohh,and cuti nak dekat. oh thank goddddd.=.=

And this saturday is mommys kindergarten concert. whoop de doo~ =.=
going to sleep a night at pd.
im about to miss my bestfriends birthday, which is on the 2nd of november.
!@#$%^&*(_*&^%$

Lots to do.thinking of working at sisters on the 7th again.get some dough so i can go out and hang! yeay yeay! ;D

QUANTOM OF SOLACE is the highlight. i might go out and teman shaq on it this 8/11. if i have dough of course.:p


Later loverss..<3

These days

well well,HELLO! :DDD
soo anyway.last friday went to NANAS OPEN HSE,
then yesterday went to PEPEN'S OPEN HOUSE for a while,
then went to FAWWAZ'S OPEN HSE.

heh,whoo.:)
anyway,things are fine and dandy.
at rumah fawwaz got to see IZZATUL YULISMA a.k.a LILY. :P
then i got to see NEV! :D and and KAL BABY! :D
oh,and this guy named AMIN who looked,sound,behaved pretty much like ADAM.O;

oh and i got my belated present frm kal.which was a purse.whooo!
finally i got a new one.teehee thanks baby.:D

OH OH OH
and im going out tmrw with them cool people.:DDD


much to say but im sweating in this jersey and i need to pray.
bye lovelies! (;

sympathy?

Stranger than your sympathy

And this is my apology

I cut myself from the inside out

And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need(all I wanted)

And what I chased won’t set me free(all I wanted)

And I get scared but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees

Oh, yeah

Everything’s all wrong, yeahx2

Where the hell did i think i was

And stranger than your sympathy

Take these things, so I don’t feel

And i cut myself from the inside out

And now my head’s been filled with doubt

We’re taught to lead the life you choose(all I wanted)

And all your love’s run out on you(all I wanted)

And you can’t see when all your dreams aren’t coming true

Oh, yeah

It’s easy to forget, yeah

And you choke on the regrets, yeah

Who the hell did i think i was

And stranger than your sympathy

And all these thoughts you stole from me

And I’m not sure where I belong

And know where’s home and i'm all wrong

And I was in love with things

I tried to make you believe I was

And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted

And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

Stranger than your sympathy

Stranger than your sympathy

Todays thought

After imagining mathematical answers coming out from my brains virtually and onto the paper,
i realized something that made me quite sober on things.

It's the comfort zone that we find ourselves the safest in
Surrounded by a bubble with no one but yourself
Only to spend time with what you've been cherishing your whole life
A day without your friends and family will break you down
As you try to avoid being alone in awkward silence

Relationships
Its not fair for us to judge them
And make conclusions of being depressed in the end
Though that fact is possible and quite inevitable
But we cannot deny being with someone can and probably will change you life
And we suffer to the fact that what we crave for comes along with what we don't need

In the end, we avoid everything
Even ourselves in trying to figure a way to be happy
As the result , what we are is just something empty.

update!

Yes yes.i know its been awhile.
but hey besides the news that i fell quite hard at pasar raya ttdi because i was rushing to give my mom the ticket was the only highlight for today.:p

And and,i finally got myself a savings account.:D
haha,i know lambat gila.xO
though , i hope i can save as much as i can.i'd like to see alot of numbers frm now on.
wish me luck.:)

oh,speaking of luck.exam is soo soo bad.
i NEED to buck up.esp for next years SPM.geez,everything was a DOOOZEY!
god.theres gonna be fails.crapppp.:/


hee,and and im gonna go to NANA's open house and i cant wear shorts now since ada calar on both my knees.sakit gila .:(

and i cant wait to see my lovelies; KAL and NEV. teehee,i miss them uber much.:D


much love!

what if

i woke up abruptly with my heart feeling its heaviest.
the dream made me wish it happened.
whatever it was,i didn't want to regret trying..

the dream goes;
i woke up with a torn typed sheet saying "thank you,i love you"
below was a list of things we did last night.

he came when i was asleep.
he lied beside me,whispered he couldnt stand it.he just had to come.

he wrote
that i was frowning in my sleep,he tried to kiss them away.
looking at me,he couldnt help to tear,
but i actually caught those two droplets.
i took him in my arms and told him i wanted him just as much.
we were both crying silently till we fell asleep.

before you went away,
you kissed me goodbye.
it was the first and the last.
he said it was the most painful one for him.

It was a risk we both knew.
there was alot of 'what ifs' and 'buts' and 'what will happen later'.
we knew.

at least we knew we tried.
it felt good.in a long time.

i hope this uncomfortable feeling will fade away as fast as it came for both of us.

teehee;D

three names you go by :
-fa
-fara
-farabee

three screen names you have had :
-farawr
-electrichick
-ej araf ho

three physical things you like about yourself :
-dimples! :DDDDDD
-hair?
-my ass! xD

three physical things you don't like about yourself :
-my skin.
-my teeth.
-my extra baby hairs

three parts of your heritage :
-malay
-indian
-chinese

btul2 malaysian.;)

three things that scare you :
-hantu..:/
-losing my loved ones.
-you :D

three of your everyday essentials :
-internet
-hp
-food.O:

three things you are wearing now :
-bandung shirt
-shorts
-baju dalam.:p

three of your favorite bands or musical arts :
theres alot but these are the ones i'd pay concert tickets for (;
-Incubus
-Paramore
-Flyleaf

three of your favorite songs (right now) :
- howie day-I'll take you on
- INXS- I need you tonight
- ATB with Heather Nova - Renegade
oh yeah baby!


three things you want in a relationship :
-trust enough to be honest
-fun humour
-to adore and be adored.

three things you wanna do really badly right now :
-get out of the hse
-get the whole sejarah text book in my brain.
-go out!

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you :
Ooooo...
-Hair is the most important thing to me people.
-their height.
-'smile' for the camera. :)

three of your hobbies :
-online!
-listening to music
-online! :D



three careers you're considering/considered before :
-Journalist
-Piano teacher
-PR

three places you want to go on vacation :
-Hawaii
-America
-Bandung..i want to shop.:D

three things you want to do before you die :
-travel to the places where they have the 7 wonders of the world.
-feel or really be in love
-see cars flying.8)

five people that you would like to see take this quiz now :*najwa*ya*syaq*arie*brendon*

study

am trying my best to focus now..its about time.

will try to open the books more often.wish me luck.<3

We are family :D

Best family picture of raya this year if you ask me.(:

SO, basically; let me introduce these beautiful creatures who knows me best shall we? HAHA,sort of.;p

Pinky Baju Kurung - Mahani Hj Malik a.k.a Mama!

Shes practically super mom.her daily schedule will AMAZE you.

Also known as my role model.love you ma.:))

Printed Grey Shirt - Abdul Hamid Zainal Azim a.k.a Pappi!

He is an open minded daddy.He promised me a CAR if i get 8 A's! whoo!:D

The one we will always love anyway.:)

Pink Tudung,Red Kebaya - Zalina Zainal Azim a.k.a Wanchu!

I love her as much as the chocolates i love in her fridge! xD

White Baju Kurung Kedah - Nur Farahin A'skiah a.k.a ME! :D

Even after fights,i just rock their socks in the end.kan kan?;p

Orange Baju Kebaya - Nur Zainatul Akmar a.k.a Kakki Ma! :DDDD

2nd Sister.

I love her like this much *shows the ocean*

yeaaaah; but shes going to get MAAAAARRIEEED. PFFT! tak gang dah.:p

Black Baju Kebaya - Halimatul Saadiah a.k.a Kekki Ma! :DD

1st Sister.

She likes to manja alot with me.and pretty much with everyone else.but kesian tak lyn.

they lyn me je.xD

nvm,i still love her despite the fact we fight alot.i like to annoy her.:p

and Last but not least;

Blue Baju Melayu - Omar Mokhtar a.k.a Abang! :)))))))

Yes,He's the 3rd.

And yes he's the ONLY son.

pfft,well.basically everybody does most of his chores.

bangang je.gila kena pijak kepala.

but takpelah. i still love him.cause he clicks with me.:D

Yeap..we'll thats the family.PEACE out LOVERS.:))

shut up

its definitely indescribable,

but i'll try.

it was like a lift of burden from the heart,

its like i felt all better in the whole.

even though i have a feeling i'm probably going to regret it,

it felt so right.
its like a force is pulling; and i can't stop it.

and for some reason i liked what it felt like.

im crossing enemy lines.

and im going over my boundaries

im trying desperately to control; im losing the grip of the situation.

i'm sinking dammit.

i couldnt even sleep yesterday.i was smiling the whole time.

I got to get a hold of myself.xO

confused much? yes;very. but i'll try to sort these feelings out first.

but whatever the verdict may be,

it felt nice to tell the truth once in a while.(:

carnival<3

your heart is breaking,

my heart is aching,

but our hands are tied,

and we know we've got nothing to lose,

i stand before you, face to face,

as our eyes fixated,

and i look into those dark pools of slumber,

i wished you were transparent,i wished to know more,

thats why i kept staring,

you have the power to strip me off my shield,

but we'll never learn to love,

no we won't, 'till i start listening.

OPEN sesame. :D

hee,today was nice.i went to see most of the people i missed.pfft,MOST la.=.=
anywayy..ya's house was awesome and all that.saw Sakura! :D comel gilaaa nak mampos i teell youu! hee,oh and i saw hairil for the first time.whoop de doo.:p haha.he's aight.dpt restu dari fara.(; HAHA ! oh oh and and ANDDD!! i saw WAWAAAARGH! ARGHHH! WHOOO! BUIDIQWDBUIWBDUQWBD! i miss her like byk gilaa! i was like hugging her.and i dint let her go.goddd, i still miss her.(: the lovers made me smile today.:) i missed em.now...malas gila nak pergi sekolaaah.xO gosh.peace out. btw, i miss kal, my fiance. if your reading this;baby i love youu.:D

KAWAI, my love

steinway & sons... steinway & sons...Steinway and Sons! gosshh.The piano was like calling out to me man! dammit! i want to go to BENTLEY again...

i want to play it all night long.

i wanna stay in that dark room and just be there.

it was so majestic.and it was soo long.

but...i dont know.there was something off though about it when i pressed onto those keys.

the sound it produced..wasnt so full for some reason.

i dont know.

maybe its just me,but it dint feel heavy.

but i swear,its the most prettiest one i've seen.it made me feel so small for some reason.

like i didnt deserve to sit there.:/

my hands were shaking when i played.

but it felt pretty good anyway.

thanks fawwaz,(:

Marriage much?

Yes lovers;
my Second sister,Nur Zainatul Akmar just had her merisik thingy majiggy done.
Suddenly it just hit me.like Reality just smacked me in the face.
that all my sisters are not gonna be in the same gang with me now.:/
i feel it.slowly...
as every family gathering we have, they're bunches will go to one spot and talk about marriage.and i feeel soo 'not in the group', O;

It feels so surreal,

as his touch burns her skin in the dead night,

and he craves and needs and wants,

untill he reached out ,

Out of my better judgment,

i still decided to stay,

knowing how much i'll end up hurting myself,

but your hope is what i envy,

and our thoughts are never empty,

and we'll never learn when we're blind,

believe me i'm starting to believe in what you hope;

BAHAHAHA! :D

yes,hello earthlings. believe it or not; another typical oddball named Nur Farahin A'skiah just decided to become a blogger.seemed like the 'cool thing' to do for now.i've always wanted one to post my thoughts&poems anyway.(: so do excuse me,if i am rather lame and slow about all this.i'm just taking them baby steps. peace!