aizee

a boy who brought my attention in class,

became my first experience of heart beats and infactuation

who slowly became my experiment to know the opposite sex

that unexpectedly made me nervous whenever i was around him

that grew to be a cheeky adolescent

and a caring friend

and slowly grew a bond between me

stronger than diamonds

who became my source of laughter

and my sanctuary from pain and heartache

my charmer who always sweeps me off my feet

the boy who became a man from his actions

the man i'll always cherish and love untill i die.

..the man i'll never get.

when the sun goes down / when full moon rises

I lie awake.

In the midst of the early morning.

Too tired to wake, too conscious to sleep,

too hurt to cry, too complicated to think,

too deep to understand why.

Too massive this tumult has been.

it has occured to me i live in such a pattern i'm unconsciously aware i'm making. the same mistakes over and over again. like a mask it hid from me.. till it hit me right in the face. i. am. alone. without source of happiness. without source of inspiration, happy will only be happy. life would only be life.

and it is all because of me

i keep making the same mistakes, over and over again. pushing everyone away, being so fickle minded. being .. so selfish. and yet.in the end,hurting myself. i love you.

i love you, who?