long semester

awaiting for it in june is making me as bored and unproductive as a dead hamster. i am dying waiting to get a job. and having problems on transportation. haih. best sgt duduk kat denai alam ni kan

experience

oh sweet.. innocence is not the word i'd describe myself now. i do know things. a number of things. that feels so heavy to my life and yet is so little in life. so much more to drink in. the liquids of experience, be it bitter or sweet or salty .i've allowed myself to make mistakes. something i refused to do before. ignoring the little voice in my head called consciousness. allowing myself...to be human. its not something i regret now. but it's something i wish to be more cautious of. theres a reason why Allah s.w.t gave us Aql (mind) to think. people tell me. not to think so much on how to live life. you'll tend to miss on alot of it. theres so many things i love. so many things that hurt me. bruising my ego as it gives remarks and comments. blow by blow....

something i embrace with open arms and closed eyes. because i want to feel what its like to feel it. it makes it easier to let go.of such a feeling. like pain, sadness, depression...happiness. euphoria.

and though it bruised my ego. sometimes shaming of my dignity and pride. i will walk with my head held high and the sun shining on my face. because it is experience. the question is whether or not you are learning from them. in which i am... :)

my sincerest apologies to those who have been hurt before, directly or indirectly by me. be it mentally, spiritually , physically (highly unlikely).

for i am , just like you, only human.

Assalamualaikum

i need to change

i dont want to wait till im corrupted inside out to be good. i can't stand it my heart is rebelling every single time i assure myself i'm going to change after i do all these things. i need to change. today, God gave me a sign. and my heart voiced out to me. i need this. and i need all the help i can get. nak sembahyang. nak pakai tudung. please help and support where you can people.

epiphany? realisation? repent?

In honest honest truth.... i took a a good look at myself from a distance.for some form of feedback of the self. and realisation started to sink in. I didnt like what i saw. i found myself in a state of disgust. towards what i saw. It feared me. that i hate who i have turned to be. and where its leading. It was then that i realised i was willingly being drawned to the path that was dark. i need to change. And i hope to God that i do.

i need to stop

literally..i dont want to be a fool.


fool me once,shame on you. fool me twice?
shame on me