Its gloomy; the wrinkles on my
forehead appear more visible the more i focus on the feeling that bubbles from
the bottom of my heart. It is not the fact that i did not see my bestfriend
today. It is not the fact that i did not see the one i really missed today. It
is not that coincidentally, i did not see the familliar faces that usually
comes to the same spot to have lunch today. . No, it's none of that. I try to dig dipper into this feeling. This
feeling of vast emptiness. Like a desert, parched with the need for water. Like
an empty sky. without clouds and without stars.
And then i see it. From afar, like one beaming light , slowly burning my
gaze and blinding my sight. It is loneliness. And when i mentally grasped the
idea, suddenly everything feels dead. and i feel so cold. Cold, rigid. and for
some reason paranoid. Involuntarily,i realised my hand fetches for the last
thing it thought would provide comfort. The small blue bottle with still half
of the perfume glittered and i see the perfume sloshing inside while my hand
briskly did it's work.
I realised after awhile. that even the perfume did not help. I started to
panic. My mind starts to desert me when i needed it the most, and i was left
vulnerable with my feelings. I become
desperate - trying my best to find other alternatives to calm this overwhelming
feeling that controls my soul. I find my
heart beating faster when i find that even the consoling words of my bestfriend
did not help to ease the pain in my heart. I ended up crying, pulling my legs towards my chest and wrapping my arms
around myself on the bed in a desperate attempt to calm myself down.
There was nothing to fear. This is
irrational. Everyday i see something i should be happy and grateful about.
Everyday i feel loved. Everyday i give
love. Each day becomes my little project to make someone's day brighter. it
became a mantra in my head, repetitive.
A flash of Aman and Aishah's face appeared and i remembered what he said
to me just awhile ago.Slowly, the dark presence
retreated back in the hallows of my heart and i find myself listening
back to drake songs and focusing on the birthday cards i planned to finish that
night.
