the story

A smile never stops lingering from my lips when i start to think of you. And it's pretty funny how things started between us. I still remember;

2008

A call,A voice,A stranger.

My first impression quickly changed after he texted me one day.The act was a disliking to me, but his personality made me think otherwise, He was friendly, funny, and so easy to talk to. There was a hint of charm but it was always, always subtle. But i love the fact that he is a great listener. He gives pretty good advices too.
Soon though,i can't help to feel he had a liking for me but he kept giving me mixed signals and so, absent mindedly,i pushed it aside.
One day, he told me he had a gf. I was excited for him. but unfortunately , after some time, he would come to me and talk about their problems.As i would do for any friend, i became his shoulder to cry on. And soon,he started to confess his feelings towards me. I didn't believe him for it to be love. Not one bit. Because for the fact that we barely knew each other and i felt that he was at his weak point. A few days later, he broke off with that girl.And started to be closer to me. Thats when our friendship bloomed. He was nice. We would talk about anything and everything. We'd have like this mini dates to chat with each other in the day or night.It dawned on me one night and scared me that bit by bit, i wanted to please his heart; That i look forward to the conversations, to see him online , to look nice whenever we were webcamming. I didn't want to conjure up feeling but I must admit, i started to adore him; and he'd do the same.:)
There were so many moments,many exchanged glances, secretly staring and some not even chatting, just smiling... And only we would understand. My mum used to tease me, staring and smiling at the computer like a retard.haha. Fine fine,yeah,okay. i started to like him.But that doesn't mean i HAVE to tell him right? ;/
It felt good.basking in each others presence.He always makes me feel warm inside.:) Then suddenly,he asked to try going further.The question that usually ruins the moment because i would refuse all the time.Trying wasn't something i wanted to get involved in again anytime soon. Scars were yet to be healed.

But with persistence, he succesfully persuaded me into trying it. It'd feel nice...right untill i came to my senses...which was most of the time. It would hurt his feelings. And the more that it did, the more i would push away. We've tried and failed to launch so many times.Let's face it, we can't force love.And i couldn't bear seeing him bruised everytime by my own doings. so, i decided to stop trying and see other people. We did.... At least i did.But i had to learn it the awkward way that you can't turn your bestfriend into something he can't be. He couldn't be what you tried so hard to be. what you still tried.So i went back to you. This time,because i wanted to work things out. But as much as i tried, there was still this fear overpowering me.Like a shield i made for myself, hard and strong and wouldn't break into a million pieces and break me free unless i was sure.And though i can see my heart wants it, my mind was not convinced just yet.I still kept on hurting him and at the verge of really giving up, Something that he said changed everything.. That one thing that needed to complete the puzzle..Assurance. It all fitted like a perfect picture. The times he patiently waited and willing to wait some more even through suffering obstacles i kept throwing at him,those million and one excuses, they all crumbled down, and i caught him at the first chance i get. On that day, i silently vowed to show him that all those time waiting wouldn't go to waste.

2009

Boyfriend - a favourite male companion.
well that's true. Having him as mine and my own is indescribable. There are so many things to learn and know and i love taking my time to.because he is someone very unique to me.he is often undefined,judged. but if you could just see what i see in him,there would be so much more to love. like a diamond in the rough. and i love.be it the good or the bad.:)

Love- a profoundly tender, passionate affection towards another person.
so they say in the dictionary. To me, after those boys who tried and failed or have tried and succeeded or vice versa, i wonder if what they felt about me was love.Its a topic i often question on after i fell in love with edi.This journey we share together made me learn so many things. it opened my eyes to something even larger than the picture.For me, love can be defined in your own version but not many could understand and grasp its meaning. I feel the closest meaning to me would be you, baby. That's why i feel this particular relationship is extraordinary. totally different pattern of lives that collided. and i end up finding something more beautiful than both.:)

Relationship- a connection.
Our connection. 'We are one even though we are different, We are different even though we are one'. remember that honey? :) there are differences between us. and yet we would know the other. i love&hate the fact tht i am predictable to him.Our bond is stronger than others i had before and he would know why. i see changes in me. when he didn't ask me to.i realise it that i've grown to be more matured than i was.and i like that one of the reasons would be because of this relationship.

Bond- something that binds persons to a line of behaviour.
He is by far, the most sweetest,caring and understanding boyfriend i have ever had.he has been with me through the good, the bad, and the embarrasing. so many times. hahaha. *byy,shh!*:(
but i love him so much for that. the fact that he takes me for who i am.and he lets me be.


2010

is yet to be filled with more memories to come.and i hope for the very best for the both of us. i love you edi.:) with all of my heart.literally.

a billion stars shining from your eyes

these few days have been surprisingly surreal. like my mind is wandering elsewhere while a discussion in my head carries on forward. i'm currently getting my license.passed the e test. *whoot whoot*: 46/50. other than that,the interesting highlights would be the visit frm arie and friends at pd.it was nice.since i came to pd to work,i never had the opportunity to go to the beaches. i imagine times of sunsets and twinkling nights where i seat by the beach writing poems and thinking thoughts. so i had the chance when they came to see me.so i thank you again aman,aman's gf,abe,arie and hashim or hisham.:S sorry,i keep forgetting.haha.

unfortunately,this year i did not celebrate chinese new year and to that SOMEONE, thank you fr not inviting me to your house brendon! xO sheesh. valentines day this year,was somewhat ..well.different.and not like last year.
oh,and i feel like a pro on 14th feb as i've ventured all the way through the bricky jungle and arrived passed kl sentral this time.i didn't stop to ask fr directions. :')

but we all know the ultimate highlight of this week would be the fact that on this sunday, the 21st of february 2010 would be our annual anniversary, edi and i. like i said; Surreal.
It doesn't even feel like a year baby! :O

which is a good thing for you bby.:p


loves

f

Well,let's face it. I'm a planner. People who knows me best knows that i like to make plans.But sometimes those plans get diverted or never done at all. and as you might've guessed. i have made plans of what i would do after my spm.but i never imagined it to be the way it is now.i think back and wonder if these plans that went diverted were a blessing in disguise. a message trying to be sent through by god. hmmm... i'm still wondering what it is. the lesson.