tiger lily

The weather lately has been partially melancholic. Almost radiating the aura and mixing it with the chemistry of my feelings nowadays. What i am going through though, i realised, is what so many do. sme going through even worse, some not even coming out alive. After this epic phenomena. it has slowly digested into my conscious mind that there is no need to mourn, over spilt milk. whats done is done. some may regret. some may hate. but to be able to forgive is the attribute of the strong, especially when you are able to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. We are nothing but humans, and we can't avoid from making mistakes. Love... is not meant to be mean. it does not mean to be undeniably cruel in the end. Love is what you could make out of it. some may not go the way you plan. some, you can't even have. but look at what you already have. right in front of you. This form of unconditional love could be so beautiful. if only people realised it sooner. we are greedy. it is in our nature. we make mistakes. but i'm alright. and everything's going to be alright. The decision we make shows who we are. There is no time machine, no retrack of an event. no more jumping into the rabbit hole. we're going to crawl if we have to. because life still moves on. and you should too..

new year's resolution, to not be so damn gullible.

what a waste of guilt.

Thank you God.

flap your wings, take a deep breath, of the air around you, the misty air flowing through your lungs, appreciate its presence flowing through your lungs, pumping oxygen through your veins. appreciate the fact that such a simple thing such as oxygen is the reason why you can move your hands, flex your muscles, make you walk , talk, think, sleep. live. live your life. look at the things surrounding you. wonder where they came from and the small lil particles that helped it be its true form. go outside, look at the sky, feel the wind dancing in your hair, the grumble of the earth beneath you. such a powerful force that is letting us walk all over it. the greenery, wonder why how its happening and doing what its doing. wonder what would happen if one day they took a break? Alhamdulilahh. Thank you Allah

my currently 2nd fav song.

king of anything - sara bareilles

keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
while i look outside
so many things i'd say if only i were able
but i just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

you've got opinions, man
we're all entitled to
but i never asked

so let me thank you for your time
and try not to waste any more of mine
get out of here fast

i hate to break it to you babe
but im not drowning
there's no one here to save

who cares if you disagree
you are not me
who made you king of anything

so, you dare tell me who to be
who died and made you king of anything

you sound so innocent
all full of good intent
swear you know best

but you expect me to
jump up on board with you
ride off into your delusional sunset

i'm not the one who's lost
with no direction oh
but you'll never see

you're so busy making masks
with my name on it in all caps
you've got the talking down
just not the listening

chorus

all my life i've tried to make everybody happy while i just hurt and hide waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide


chorusx2


let me hold your crown babe;

sticks and stone may break my bones,

but words will never harm me.

new hair do

needed some moral boosting. and a trim ofcourse. heh

sweet disposition

sweet disposition
never too soon,
oh, reckless abandon,
like no ones watching you

a moment , a love
a dream aloud,
a kiss, a cry,
our rights, our wrongs,

a moment a love,
a dream loud
a moment a love
a dream aloud

so stay there because i'll be coming over
and while our blood's still young
it's so young
it runs
and we won't stop untill it's over
won't stop to surrender

songs of desperation
i played them for you

a moment a love
a dream aloud
a kiss a cry
our rights our wrongs

a moment a love
a dream aloud
a kiss a cry

a taste of the sky

i've come to a conclusion that life is made out of the choices you make. theres numerous branches of opportunities, like veins and roots, in every choice you make that clears out the view of the path your setting out for yourself. the question is, how do you know which path is the right one for you? we cant drive test them as every decision has there cause and effects. but every thing that you do. be it a bad or a good experience, still remains as an experience. a lesson to be learned. and though what i went through would be called foolish or naive by others, call it whatever you want, i don't regret making those choices that i did. i was and came out , alive. more alive than previous relationships, stronger somehow. i know things now. and though what i'm doing hurts. i feel relieved off this true prolonging feeling in my heart. this feeling of sadness, confusion. delusional. the tricks that my mind constantly makes to myself, torturing slowly. and it's gonna hurt. i know. im going through it now. but i'm gonna let the wind take me, take me wherever it wants to go. spread my wings.....and live. embrace it,

Ari ve derci amore mio

What a story you and i have made,

through thick and thin,

we've exchanged and taught each other the colour of bronze and silver.

Complemented each others gaps and became the light of the other.

Despite the fact that some part of the ride wasnt in favour to me as the last bit, i know it was partly my fault.

But something i came to learn, is that we cant have everything in this world.

There is no such thing as perfection, and trying so hard to be it will result in your utter failure.

Its hard, but acceptance is something we will all have to sink in to ourselves.

I imagined explaining myself to you so much better than reality. but i couldnt come to tell it up to my standard when i was about to let go of the person i really truely love.

Though it is hurting me. i know its the best for both of us. you may not think so right now. but maybe , if you let it, you'll come to realise why i did. and i hope you do. because i always pray i made an impact in your life. and i want it to be a good one.maybe one day, you'll learn to forgive me for all my wrong doings, for hurting your feelings. because i meant it when i said what i said.

and if it's meant to be, insyallah you'll come back to me.

i'll see you soon, zunaidi alias.my husband, my boyfriend, my lover, my bestfriend. :)

im gonna build a new one.

it seems the more i venture, the more i become numb. its seeping into me.
like poison, its spreads slowly, corrupting my feelings, my thoughts, my understanding.


how could this be, that i can't take what i see?

what i used to feel filled flowers in my heart,
but the one who gave me a sense of belonging,
the person who changed me.
is changing me back into stone.
this feeling, cloaking me,though awkwardly familliar,
is being despised by its owner.

I used to have so much faith.

Under these circumstances,
sometimes i wished i didn't know all this.

i want to love,
but how blind do i need to be till i can't see the road in front of me?

the problem is because i care enough about whats left of this ruined building.

assalamualaikum

I just realised today, after returning to nilai, while i sit down and have dinner with aishah. that everything in this life is temporary. even love. feelings,materiality,knowledge. everything. we are living in a dream. this whole purpose. of being here. should be realised.we need to wake up. wake up everybody. and smell the damn coffee.

sometimes i dont know why i love you full stop