whtttt

Must it always be this complicated.
Suddenly now this life we're living feels so fake.so full of lies made up from observations of previous lies before. It proves so much that men judge the things they don't know.
The more i learn, the more i become.. afraid. But im beginning to think of the dilemma thats hidden within my thoughts. It takes so much commitment but i can't bear to come out from this comfort zone i have been in fr a long time.this thought may come through me from time to time. in the mean time, im gonna study as hard as possible. im gonna be here for only a year anyway.


loves;

help me.

I hate the feeling of sundays nowadays..
of having to come back.
of having to let go.
of having to see the car drive away from me.

When i get ready to go, and when i start getting into the car,i keep quiet.As if counting the minutes, appreciating the last hundreds of seconds left for me. and my heart feels left behind when i open the car door when i arrive.

im practicing to always look infront or at the stairs where i'm walking instead of the car but i always end up respirating hard. and my hearts thumps wildly against my chest; as if rebelling. and i end up feeling a burden in my chest..gritting my teeth and holding myself from tearing.

It's so hard. and it's been happening every week. i really really want this to stop.. or i dont think i can bear coming back home every week. its such a difficult process to bear in the end. i miss everybody. everytimee.....

and i didnt even get to see edi this weekend. this is gonna be a tough one..

Ready,steadyyy

Classes has taken most of my time. Now i realize how very much important time can be. So precious; It passes on so fast now that i haven't had the time to cut my nails this week.

Anyway, this friend, that i used to hang with most of the time in the dorm has now left for maktab. liyana. She wasn't exactly at the same channel as mine but we were okay. and now shes gone..

So its more or less back to square one...

But then again it had always felt like that anyway. but the dorm mates are nicer now.i can laugh with them. but like i said. we're not the same channel. and even the ones that are around here.still have the same perspective - Not like mine. =.=

Insyallah i'll try my best to look at the brighter side of things. its funny when, that day, in english class, this teacher was describing what pessimist was to us. he drew a half filled glass on the board and asked who says its half full and half empty. Apparently, i was the only one who raised for the latter.

Ha Ha. very funny.i was never a pessimist before okay?! ish..Agitating.

And its a fact i jst recently discovered that all my dormmates have better results than i do in spm. i was like whatt...not even one got like me.:/ ...and im the ketua bilik. i feel soooo unworthy. of being the ketua bilik, of being here. i dont know why im here...

if god's trying to give me a sign i hope i'm able to see it. theres too much good for a not so innocent person like me.

insyallah.

i like political science though. lecturer's kinda handsome. heh. till he cut his hair short. pfft.

so thts it. loves;