understatement

i understand everything now.

Everything always happens for a reason. for everybody.
If only we knew.

there's no place for weaklings in this town

My time will come. and when it does; it will be a blast.

hanging

Theres no point now figuring out wht to do.

sometimes i feel like if this goes on this way,things are gonna be permanently distorted.
but its high time. i take control of my life. and know what i want. what i need. whats best for me.



its high time.

heartbreak warfare.

i dont deserve this..

i keep thinking and telling myself, going over and over again on what went wrong. what i did, what i didnt do.

happy anniversary zunaidi.....

i have to stop trying to take control of everything.
i know tht life's course is made out for me.
i understand that.
i'll just let it flow now.
and this time i can finally let go of these heavy reins.
theres never anything thats totally right in this situation.
never anything thats totally wrong.
when it comes to our own perspective.
i pray that i'm gonna survive this. however its gonna end up being like.
i'll accept it.
all i want now,

content.
peace of mind.
no more tumulting.
no more crying.
no more thinking.

It's time.


00.00

Happy anniversary sayang.

sometimes i wished that i could turn to the time when i didnt know the real world. when i was in my little own world at school....just for awhile. at that moment. it felt blissful. things are different now. In most aspects..and when curiosity strikes. i know i have no one else to blame but myself if i end up getting hurt.

bt then again....everybody needs to wake up and smell the coffee, no?

There is so many bad in good, that the good is struggling so hard to shine. Innocence is something i will always, always appreciate now.

i hope whatever i am doing, whatever choices i make. i hope their right.

..hm?

why must there be envy? jealousy?

Of wants and needs;

I WANT/NEED:

• contact lenses
• braces
• sports shoe
• New frame glasses
• colour rambut!
• Make up: lipstick, loose powder, lip balm, blusher(minerals)
• Toiletries!
• DEAN's LIST. :D
  

of sincerity and will

Alhamdulilah, alhamdulilah.

I feel so overwhelmed with peace this specific monday. I feel content. and at the state of happiness.
There is no sense of emptiness that for some reason had been vacant in my state of mind for the past few days.

Today,i also enjoyed my arab class. I very much owe this to my new ustaz which is ustaz nur khamimi. He is such a good lecturer. He got his masters when he was at the age of 25. which i found to be so proud of.He recently got happily married as well. very understanding. and makes all of us feel comfortable with him. I like and look forward to going to arab classes more often now, alhamdulilah.

Which also made me realised that i need to have a plan. Yes i know sometimes when you plan things never go your way in life. but i at least need to have a rough image of what i want to be in the next ten to 15 years yes?

So the plan is. After foundation , IF i do go to gombak, i'll be majoring in political science and minoring in business administration. next after degree, will sign up for that ptd thing. Then working with wisma putra under foreign affairs. work my ass up the corporate ladder. The target is to be an Ambassador. :)


*clap clap*

BRAND NEW DAY!

I've got a spring in my step , I've got a dimple on my smile, I've got all the elements i need.
And i'm ready to charm my way out of anything that's gonna stand in my way of what i want.



:)

I will see youu when i see youu!

-

I dont want to think anymore..

thoughts

Sometimes i feel the human behaviour is easily influenced. By media, peers, family, society, beliefs,government,etc. Maybe it is human nature to be so. The problem with the modern world is that there is no proper, uncorrupted, living role model to refer to. And its such a waste really. We tend not take advantage of the privilleges that we have in our hands already. Like religion for example. I believe that religion was not complicated or even burdening during the times of the Prophet.Even given the circumstances that they were many who were against it.It became something like a sanctuary, a sense of peace,a religion where you could finally find content with your mind, body and soul. but why does it become so difficult for us to grasp now.to implement.to embrace?

If only we had that extraordinary chance to be in that era. Yes, true, it would've been torturous , with so many violence and cruelty that becomes part of a norm in their society ( but then again, what's the difference with the society today too right? ) . At least there was someone , we could look up to. to open our hearts almost immediately. to instill this strong cohesion towards our own religion. If only ..

sayang;

i love you so much.
The truth is.There's so many who disagrees. there are people who dislikes.
But baby , i see you for who you really are. And i want to be given that chance. to give you that chance.to show them you are so much better than that.because you have shown that to me.
I want to grow with you. because i have seen your capabilities. and yes it is hard. sometimes it can be so hard. but i am so patient. because i know you have been very patient with me. and i know you have faith in me. and sometimes im so surprised that we have this much patience with each other. because i cant be this patient with anybody else. And i'm grasping so hard to the fact of the past. i want to always want to meet that boy who stole my heart without me knowing it.i want you back.

i'll be thinking about you

There is no specifications on how we should live our life.
How nice it would truly be if we know the cheats on being safe and happy all the time.
but i think thats the beauty of life.
It is not perfect. There will always be things you need to learn.
How hurtful it may be. These experiences were made for a reason.
You should not just be going through life. but you should grow with it too.
The experiences you have. teaches you about the truth and why it was meant to be there, to guide you.
If only we had the strength to knw the future.
but i know..it takes something bad to go through to result in the most beautiful thing. a better, more matured you. It makes you who you are.and who you are now, will always be better than who you were before. insyallah.

I'm not saying that relationships now are useless at our age. A discreet term of replacing the word 'playing around'. But i believe we tend to misuse it alot because for right now,we dont know its true definition. The heavy, burdening, beautiful term of relationships. Yet it is Understandable. We will grow.and during that process will we truly understand and appreciate.

changes

Today , i'm going to see everything in a different view. Our perspectives are directed mostly on they way the society wants us to see it in. From now on. my resolution is to not be judgemental. i will try my very best. there will be no stereotypes as well.we shouldnt be classified under a class just because the society does so. we,are not just in a relationship. we will be different. whatever happened before are scars,yes,true.but i believe that what we have should not be under the same standard as the others. your right, fate is in our hands if we want it to be. today,we'll take a different road. :) i love you very much zunaidi alias.
:))

2nd sem

is.....like 1st sem all over again. minusing waking up at 8 everyday; its just now 2 days.

and instead of going back at 5 everyday, its jst some days.

and i dont have a group or a bunch of new friends in my class.
am not initiating or putting effort to communicate much, because well honestly i dont really give a rats ass anymore.

as long as i got friends outside of class to get me through the day, i am fine the way it is. yes,i may look like an antisocial in class, being buried with my storybook if im not listening to the lecturer. but i sure as hell dont care what they think anymore. as long as i cooperate when it comes to forming teams and making presentations and such,to get my marks well and fine, im in.

because , reality check people. they're only there right now.the fact that they will be there later is highly improbable and should be questioned... i dont mind being alone in class rather than having friends that are fake. i'm tired of that high school drama and shit.

real friends are hard to find, and i dont mind waiting to find them. because when i do, i know they will be one of the best things in my life.


so yea... unfrtunately so many plastics in my class. not being judgemental. and i know i can probably be friends with them if i wantd to.cause they're mostly from subang,shah alam and all that.but ntah..they've got their group. and i know what its like, im not about to get myself into high school drama. thank you very much.



loves.