Turns on the tap; I immediately notice glistering cold
liquid flushing out like a mini waterfall in this small cubicle. Feelings of
insignificance made my chest feel heavier as I bent down and cupped both my
palms, signaling my heart to engage my niat to take ablution. My heart, as if
torn into making two decisions complied itself to vulnerability. And just as it
did, a sob escaped my throat. My brain, in defense tried to keep composure and
maintain its focus on its task to take ablution and just as I did the first
stroke across my face, the fresh cold water woke me to reality. By the second
stroke, I could feel two different temperatures of liquids on my face- the hot
one streaming down in parallel with the cold. By the time I came out from that
cubicle, I immediately saw my reflection at the toilet mirror. I noticed my
face,eyes and nose were red and puffy. Why
am I back in this position, I asked myself. But after a moment, I realized maybe I needed
to be. This is my awakening. The pain I have to go through. This is what God
planned. And He is the greatest planner.
Walking out from the toilet, still sobbing out of this reality, I immediately realized
how many people have cried, being in my exact position because I’ve put them
there. And thought maybe I was part of their test too.
With that thought, I prayed in tears, searching for solace
and comfort from my Creator, knowing that this lesson, finally learning it for
the first time, is going to hurt. But it will make me better as long as I depend
on Him.
