once upon a few weeks ago,

Its gloomy;  the wrinkles on my forehead appear more visible the more i focus on the feeling that bubbles from the bottom of my heart. It is not the fact that i did not see my bestfriend today. It is not the fact that i did not see the one i really missed today. It is not that coincidentally, i did not see the familliar faces that usually comes to the same spot to have lunch today. . No, it's none of that.  I try to dig dipper into this feeling. This feeling of vast emptiness. Like a desert, parched with the need for water. Like an empty sky. without clouds and without stars.

And then i see it. From afar, like one beaming light , slowly burning my gaze and blinding my sight. It is loneliness. And when i mentally grasped the idea, suddenly everything feels dead. and i feel so cold. Cold, rigid. and for some reason paranoid. Involuntarily,i realised my hand fetches for the last thing it thought would provide comfort. The small blue bottle with still half of the perfume glittered and i see the perfume sloshing inside while my hand briskly did it's work.

I realised after awhile. that even the perfume did not help. I started to panic. My mind starts to desert me when i needed it the most, and i was left vulnerable with my feelings.  I become desperate - trying my best to find other alternatives to calm this overwhelming feeling that controls my soul.  I find my heart beating faster when i find that even the consoling words of my bestfriend did not help to ease the pain in my heart. I ended up crying, pulling my  legs towards my chest and wrapping my arms around myself on the bed in a desperate attempt to calm myself down.

 There was nothing to fear. This is irrational. Everyday i see something i should be happy and grateful about. Everyday i feel loved.  Everyday i give love. Each day becomes my little project to make someone's day brighter. it became a mantra in my head, repetitive.  A flash of Aman and Aishah's face appeared and i remembered what he said to me just awhile ago.Slowly, the dark presence  retreated back in the hallows of my heart and i find myself listening back to drake songs and focusing on the birthday cards i planned to finish that night.