Letting go

Is it so hard to let go of something you used to hold?

Do you regret that you did not do the things you could've done to cherish the thing that was actually the most important thing in your life?

Did you regret that you have only regretted now?

Why do we belittle the people who we'd knew would always be there for us?

Did i successfully made you feel like shit without even having to say it in the first place?

Did i successfully made your life a living hell?

Im not trying to take revenge

I just want you to stand on your own two feet.

And i won't pick you up right now when your on the ground

not because i love seeing you fall

not because you refuse to take my hand

..but because you need to learn on your own.

'We love the ones who leave us and leave the ones who love us.'

dusty

my deepest apologies.

i know it's been awhile. but awhile it's been i had something to say. so many things have gone through my mind. so many incidents, so many stories have passed. i couldn't really say it in words. there was no spirit to type out my emotions.

..have you ever been in a situation where you thought you knew about something. so well. untill someone makes you think back twice.

what is the difference between lust and love? such a fine line between the two that has such vast differences. i pray i have the power to tell the difference. if we all had that power, i think there would be less broken hearts in the world.

to be loved.. to have loved... so much; but why couldn't things work out?

another lesson to be learned: relationships needs work. its like a house. at one point, there's bound to be a few leaking pipes.

i understand now why love is not really meant for kids like us.

i pray to God He'll show me a sign.

and to make me wiser than the mistakes i've done before.

well.i hope your happy.

Inalillahiwainalillahirajiun

My grandmother, passed away on the 24th of april 2011.
Her heart stopped beating at first. and in the most quzzical way; while she was brushing her teeth. the one habit of hers that she always used to nag at me to practice. when she was sent to the hospital. Allah took her soul away from her body.

for the first time in my life that day, i wasnt scared of a corpse. of seeing just a body with nobody in it to function. her lips were swollen because it was already quite some time by the time we could bathe her. she wanted to be buried in pd. i participated in most of the rituals. but for some reason i didnt cry as much as my cousin did. i'd have to admit i wasnt as close to her. and she wasnt so fond of me. but i've always found her to be a perfectionist. someone prim and proper. and even though she nags, and she talks to me behind my back. i'm still fond of her. because even through her talking, and nagging. she still remembers that i love bananas and bring them when she comes to kl. and still buys me things from wherever she travels. and i'm always gonna miss her laugh and the way she sits when she sits on a stool. and the matter of the fact that she has gastric. just like i do. and the fact that she brings practically her whole house in a bag. she has everything in that little bag of hers. from medicines to nail clippers to food and tidbits incase we get hungry and the most important thing she brings with her everywhere; minyak angin cap kapak. haha.

...i do; i love her. very much. and now that she's gone, i regret it so much that i never took the time to really know her. a typical naggy granny, but that's how she shows her love to her loved ones. she has a golden heart and travelling legs that loves to go everywhere. she was my only real grandmother left and i never took the opportunity to flourish our relationship. a lesson to be learned. always love and care. you'll never know whens the last time you'll see the person. the bond between famillies is so important but is often neglected now in this millenium. a sad fact as it is the base in our lives. i will always love her. for nagging at me. i understand now. i love you pah. i'll send my al-fatihah's to you. in hope it will shed some light to you and lighten your burden on the other side. thank you. assalamualaikum.

workaholic

sales huh? never really thought of that.agreed to something i never really thought things through. but i've decided anyway. and i will find my way.insyallah, God willing. i will be working at true fitness; Jaya 33. the main branch. as.......a consultant. dont know how thats gonna go for me. but im trying my best not to react negatively to this. i will,undoubtly, do my best in putting some form of charisma to myself in order to attract more clients to join in. will try not to be as annoying. but more to sincerity and acclaimed knowledge about the gym.(: the choices we make define who we are.

long semester

awaiting for it in june is making me as bored and unproductive as a dead hamster. i am dying waiting to get a job. and having problems on transportation. haih. best sgt duduk kat denai alam ni kan

experience

oh sweet.. innocence is not the word i'd describe myself now. i do know things. a number of things. that feels so heavy to my life and yet is so little in life. so much more to drink in. the liquids of experience, be it bitter or sweet or salty .i've allowed myself to make mistakes. something i refused to do before. ignoring the little voice in my head called consciousness. allowing myself...to be human. its not something i regret now. but it's something i wish to be more cautious of. theres a reason why Allah s.w.t gave us Aql (mind) to think. people tell me. not to think so much on how to live life. you'll tend to miss on alot of it. theres so many things i love. so many things that hurt me. bruising my ego as it gives remarks and comments. blow by blow....

something i embrace with open arms and closed eyes. because i want to feel what its like to feel it. it makes it easier to let go.of such a feeling. like pain, sadness, depression...happiness. euphoria.

and though it bruised my ego. sometimes shaming of my dignity and pride. i will walk with my head held high and the sun shining on my face. because it is experience. the question is whether or not you are learning from them. in which i am... :)

my sincerest apologies to those who have been hurt before, directly or indirectly by me. be it mentally, spiritually , physically (highly unlikely).

for i am , just like you, only human.

Assalamualaikum