Inhale

I feel my breathe taken away from me.

i feel it when you put your lips gently to mine.

when you look into my eyes and you tell me you love me,

when you say everythings going to be okay. and i am assured that it will be.

I feel like i always leave something in that car when i walk away.

Like my heart.

And your eyes becomes filled with tears.

And you search into mine which becomes untimely hollow.

And our heart feels twisted, and my soul feels incomplete.

And i love you. I love you so very much.

Too much that it hurts me to leave your side.

That i tear at this very moment. desperately trying to take control of my rigid self.

Maybe you know or maybe you don't.

Of the effects that you do to me.

And that your name has somehow been carved on my heart.

whtttt

Must it always be this complicated.
Suddenly now this life we're living feels so fake.so full of lies made up from observations of previous lies before. It proves so much that men judge the things they don't know.
The more i learn, the more i become.. afraid. But im beginning to think of the dilemma thats hidden within my thoughts. It takes so much commitment but i can't bear to come out from this comfort zone i have been in fr a long time.this thought may come through me from time to time. in the mean time, im gonna study as hard as possible. im gonna be here for only a year anyway.


loves;

help me.

I hate the feeling of sundays nowadays..
of having to come back.
of having to let go.
of having to see the car drive away from me.

When i get ready to go, and when i start getting into the car,i keep quiet.As if counting the minutes, appreciating the last hundreds of seconds left for me. and my heart feels left behind when i open the car door when i arrive.

im practicing to always look infront or at the stairs where i'm walking instead of the car but i always end up respirating hard. and my hearts thumps wildly against my chest; as if rebelling. and i end up feeling a burden in my chest..gritting my teeth and holding myself from tearing.

It's so hard. and it's been happening every week. i really really want this to stop.. or i dont think i can bear coming back home every week. its such a difficult process to bear in the end. i miss everybody. everytimee.....

and i didnt even get to see edi this weekend. this is gonna be a tough one..

Ready,steadyyy

Classes has taken most of my time. Now i realize how very much important time can be. So precious; It passes on so fast now that i haven't had the time to cut my nails this week.

Anyway, this friend, that i used to hang with most of the time in the dorm has now left for maktab. liyana. She wasn't exactly at the same channel as mine but we were okay. and now shes gone..

So its more or less back to square one...

But then again it had always felt like that anyway. but the dorm mates are nicer now.i can laugh with them. but like i said. we're not the same channel. and even the ones that are around here.still have the same perspective - Not like mine. =.=

Insyallah i'll try my best to look at the brighter side of things. its funny when, that day, in english class, this teacher was describing what pessimist was to us. he drew a half filled glass on the board and asked who says its half full and half empty. Apparently, i was the only one who raised for the latter.

Ha Ha. very funny.i was never a pessimist before okay?! ish..Agitating.

And its a fact i jst recently discovered that all my dormmates have better results than i do in spm. i was like whatt...not even one got like me.:/ ...and im the ketua bilik. i feel soooo unworthy. of being the ketua bilik, of being here. i dont know why im here...

if god's trying to give me a sign i hope i'm able to see it. theres too much good for a not so innocent person like me.

insyallah.

i like political science though. lecturer's kinda handsome. heh. till he cut his hair short. pfft.

so thts it. loves;

Little moments like these reminds me why I love you so much

My sanctuary is away from me, again. This time i'm left with people i've yet to see i could click with.Every day i wish i could be back in the safety of your arms.I find myself surprised of my own strength that i could love a person this much. Its so funny that even when i make him angry, even when im trying to merajuk. i cant with him.we will always end up being okay.and happy.:) And his hug could melt away all the problems and the burdens that are left hanging on my shoulders. I love just being with him.holding his hand,getting to cuddle with him and have him kiss me on the head that, for some reason for me means so much to me.i keep counting the days i get to be with him, just in his arms, makes my day brighter and a lil less stressful. Im so grateful that he's there, to tell me, in his loving voice that everything is gonna be okay even though it might not. but it does.when he says it to me and when i have him by my side. i love you baby.:)

It's been awhilee *aaahhh* (lagu britney spears)

ahahahaha! well.yes.i know its been a very very long time.i have been busy and i dint get the chance to really hold on to the computer and tell you what has been going on with my life.

You know...since i have stopped schooling,i've made plans of how my life would track on in the future. but it seems to be that the more i make plans, the more that it ends up not going the way i planned.at all. Like for example. i wanted to work at VADS and i ended up working at Pd and DARC instead. I wanted to make sure i had time to have fun after working and i end up in a university instead.

Ladies and gentlemen; There is only one thing i can tell you with full confidence now and that is to NOT PLAN. well, at least when it comes to your life. because in the end you know who has the last say right.so before you get brutally dissapointed with yourself for your naive actions, might as well you just take it all in.all the walls, obstacles, craps, shits, and downhills of that particular chapter of your life because you know why? Its all about learning.You are constantly learning and like they all say Experience is the best teacher. no?


Hye , I'm Nur Farahin A'skiah Binti Abdul Hamid and i am a student of UIA, Campus Nilai.
Yes,thats right. in uia. when i initially planned to go to Uitm. so this is whats stopping me from blogging before.being busy of crying, packing,crying,seeing people, writing documents,crying sorting out files, crying, meeting new people, attending group dynamics, falling klutzily in my baju kurung, attending more programme briefings, and crying abit more. yeah thats about it. That was in PJ,when i had my orientation.

Now im at nilai,staying fr the first week where they would be briefing us more on our programme, and explaining things.... i dont like staying at a hostel. i've been repeating that to quite a number of people.i dont like la. im adapting with the place im studying yes but the hostel? hmm.. but at least the toilet is in our dorm.so its better than pj mahallah.a whole lot better.and the environment is freeier,alhamdulilah.so there you go. wish me luck, im gonna go check on other universities at the internet for back up plan. thanks.and will update again if i can.later.loves.

Let it all out...

I'm lost.
Overflowing tears, my eyes are sore and blurry. Blurry,like my future. its been like this for three days in a row. It pains me so.
The screaming,frustration - It eats up in me and I feel a big hole in my chest gets even bigger when i try to solve the puzzle.Crying and sobbing won't help me but that just seems like the only thing i've been doing lately.Its not about the university anymore but the fact that i'd be away...yet again.And this time at a place i dont know with strangers i've never met.Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes.I'm going to miss my mom the most. She may not know this but she's the best thing in my life. I dont want to miss the little things i do with her,the things that makes me feel like the centre of the world; Her world.