this feeling tugging my heart

hello everyone...i'm going to move house..again. i don't want to explain why. but this couldnt come at a worse time.this was supposed to be my 'intensive study month thing' month..i dont know how im going to handle this.but i will try my best to help when i can because mama isn't exactly young.and God knows i don't want anything to happen to her....gotta study..suddenly lost the adrenaline rush to bury myself in piles of books but am trying to follow this new timetable i did. much love...

you are beautiful,baby.

a beautiful discovery. Its what i think of you.you give so much yet there are still things you say that melts my heart.layer after layer i find you to be different than what you show outside to the world. My love.... i feel so grateful to be the person who knows you this way. i find myself to be surprised by my own.When i've already had you for so long.even before we got together.Now,you've become the pillow i hold onto for comfort, the favourite song i listen to ,the voice, the touch i need everyday. Its insane, unexplainable, unbearable, mildly torturous at times.i become.. internally and externally addicted..was...still. And i don't think i want to stop it right now. Nobody can see you the way i see you now. And i find self pleasure in that. in this little world i build up inside my head. a sanctuary, home to my feelings of you and i.of this beautiful discovery i found on my own.that came to me and never stopped giving up to be seen, to be heard. Time couldn't change it. I couldn't change it. I'm glad that it didn't. or i would've lost the opportunity of a lifetime to feel this happy.to feel like the most precious thing in the world.to feel this loved. to feel this full.this complete. i pray i don't stop loving you zunaidi alias.:)

Of frustration and sacrifices

the whispers of the heart is difficult to ignore. though small, they mean bigger than they really are in your mind. Negativity pushed aside, i will strive to give whatever i can. For my family,friends and for edi.study? yes. make sure i dont write another post so soon okay. And of the others? Well,im just gonna ignore that for now.. Because they wont help me for spm. I really dont want to regret.

Countdown starts........ now.

To the beloved;

They say the things that inspire you are usually significant to mind. I find myself smiling silently.
It's truly ironic how i used to push you away so much and now i'm asking for more. There's so many things i miss and i imagined if i was ever to say 'no' instead of 'yes' on the 21st of february 2009.
I find so much pride in being the person who makes you smile that warm smile, laugh that silly laugh and cry those tears of joy. I'm grateful to be given the best privillege of being sheltered by your arms. My sanctuary, my place of hope and comfort. And to be smothered by kisses that calms my insecurities. I am grateful; to be given such attention i know others don't get. And the most i find pride in is to be that girl by your side through thick and thin,through tears and laughter, to be that girl you want to depend certain things on and to be spoiled senseless by. Because i want you to.As i do.

Your voice is something i crave for each night to demolish all my fears before i sleep and warm my heart like the sun rays when i wake the next morning. There are so many things you are willing to sacrifice selflessly which i am well aware of and i love yo so much for that. I truly am a lucky girl to have you as mine and my own.

And i cannot wait for the smile to spread o your lips when i get to see you each day to tell you that in fron of your face.:)


Yours truly,
:D

its been awhile;

what has happened recently?

1. a teeny weeny small mini open hse which i am sad to say i couldnt invite all my friends.cause i was collaborating with omar the furball.
2. umm,last minute drop out frm kawat because dad tak bagi. good luck to the cadets tmrw on performing with guns. salute!
3. i miss alot of people...again. -kal,veron,iyzie,nelly,Arie,Abg zaim,Tj.
4. Sent Abang zaim back to the airport. miss him loads.:( till march abang!
5. Kakak Akmar's stomach is expanding and expanding more at 3 months + . Will probably pop out somewhere around March. i hope my niece/ nephew wont be a naughty brat like his father.;O bahaha.........(no seriously, though).
6. i'm getting trials results.....i dont like them.
7. school is not exactly functioning its purpose.but i am still required to come in the mean time.
8. months with Edi this 21st. such an achievement.He's good at multi tasking his responsibilities as a friend and boyfriend. Love you Sayang.<3
9. Nothing is impossible...

17 candles...... whoop de dhoo..

selamat hari raya maaf zahir & batin to any of you who are actually reading. I'm posting this from kajang, cousin's house.Amidst colourful clothes and assorted cookies, amidst families and friends colliding, i feel an emptiness in the darkest corners of my heart. A feeling i tried to push to the back of my head last night. 1st day of raya, and papa didnt celebrate with us... syukur alhamdulilah, i got to kiss his hands and beraya with him that morning though. but the sad part was, that he forgot my birthday. he did.and mom had to give him a hint.i feel like going out tonight.both my birthday and raya wasn't exactly how i imagined it would be...abruptly, i feel...alone.