tested faith

It's a sacrifice you thought needed.It's a jumpstart to where things started.It's the feel in your stomach when we smile to each other.It's the rush in your veins when we kiss and cuddle.The chemical x that is running out is just simply being refilled.To let go is something i don't want taken as option.I know just how much you value.. and you value so high to me. sometimes i feel selfish. i know you don't want this.but i would rather have this than lose you to my slowly dying feelings. and i know how i am.and some things don't change as much as i want them to. even when you mean so much to me. you mean so much to me sayang.i don't mean to hurt you so much. i know all i've been doing lately is that. but you know me and you know me well. It's been awhile since i've been flying. and i promise if i can't fly properly i will come back. i dont want to jeopardise what i already have.i promise i will come back. I love you so much Zunaidi Alias.

the beauty of imagination

i close my eyes,
i feel the wind breeze,
softly sculpting my face,
as it dances through my hair,
i smell the salty scent of the ocean waves
as it crashes to the sea,potraying constant rebel,
i grasp the sand and feel its coarseness between my sensitive fingers,
acknowledging its texture
lying on a hammock,
withnessed by the great blue sky,
and warmth of the sun rays that melted away all my problems and insecurities
i felt sane
.....
...
..
.
i open my eyes
im in my dorm
surrounded by walls, doors
dormmates,books,
exams,
strangers.

i need a holiday.

god!

im starting to get why my boyfriend rarely updates his blog.

sorry people, but not only do i not hve time but i also dont have free access to my stuffs.:/

so yeahh..anyway. finals looks pretty near right about now.and i gotta make sure i settle all notes,assignments,tasks and reports before my revision period. WHICH SO HAPPENS TO BE DURING RAYAA FYI PEOPLE! SHOOTT MEEEE!!!

Inhale

I feel my breathe taken away from me.

i feel it when you put your lips gently to mine.

when you look into my eyes and you tell me you love me,

when you say everythings going to be okay. and i am assured that it will be.

I feel like i always leave something in that car when i walk away.

Like my heart.

And your eyes becomes filled with tears.

And you search into mine which becomes untimely hollow.

And our heart feels twisted, and my soul feels incomplete.

And i love you. I love you so very much.

Too much that it hurts me to leave your side.

That i tear at this very moment. desperately trying to take control of my rigid self.

Maybe you know or maybe you don't.

Of the effects that you do to me.

And that your name has somehow been carved on my heart.

whtttt

Must it always be this complicated.
Suddenly now this life we're living feels so fake.so full of lies made up from observations of previous lies before. It proves so much that men judge the things they don't know.
The more i learn, the more i become.. afraid. But im beginning to think of the dilemma thats hidden within my thoughts. It takes so much commitment but i can't bear to come out from this comfort zone i have been in fr a long time.this thought may come through me from time to time. in the mean time, im gonna study as hard as possible. im gonna be here for only a year anyway.


loves;

help me.

I hate the feeling of sundays nowadays..
of having to come back.
of having to let go.
of having to see the car drive away from me.

When i get ready to go, and when i start getting into the car,i keep quiet.As if counting the minutes, appreciating the last hundreds of seconds left for me. and my heart feels left behind when i open the car door when i arrive.

im practicing to always look infront or at the stairs where i'm walking instead of the car but i always end up respirating hard. and my hearts thumps wildly against my chest; as if rebelling. and i end up feeling a burden in my chest..gritting my teeth and holding myself from tearing.

It's so hard. and it's been happening every week. i really really want this to stop.. or i dont think i can bear coming back home every week. its such a difficult process to bear in the end. i miss everybody. everytimee.....

and i didnt even get to see edi this weekend. this is gonna be a tough one..

Ready,steadyyy

Classes has taken most of my time. Now i realize how very much important time can be. So precious; It passes on so fast now that i haven't had the time to cut my nails this week.

Anyway, this friend, that i used to hang with most of the time in the dorm has now left for maktab. liyana. She wasn't exactly at the same channel as mine but we were okay. and now shes gone..

So its more or less back to square one...

But then again it had always felt like that anyway. but the dorm mates are nicer now.i can laugh with them. but like i said. we're not the same channel. and even the ones that are around here.still have the same perspective - Not like mine. =.=

Insyallah i'll try my best to look at the brighter side of things. its funny when, that day, in english class, this teacher was describing what pessimist was to us. he drew a half filled glass on the board and asked who says its half full and half empty. Apparently, i was the only one who raised for the latter.

Ha Ha. very funny.i was never a pessimist before okay?! ish..Agitating.

And its a fact i jst recently discovered that all my dormmates have better results than i do in spm. i was like whatt...not even one got like me.:/ ...and im the ketua bilik. i feel soooo unworthy. of being the ketua bilik, of being here. i dont know why im here...

if god's trying to give me a sign i hope i'm able to see it. theres too much good for a not so innocent person like me.

insyallah.

i like political science though. lecturer's kinda handsome. heh. till he cut his hair short. pfft.

so thts it. loves;